What to Say to You
by the-real-jared-kleinman
Summary: ‘He’s dead. Oh, god, he’s dead! Oh, god, why? Why was he dead? Why did the gods have to take away her light in this dark, cold world?’ She lets loose another bloodcurdling scream, holding him in her arms. She feels a calloused hand at her back and wordlessly turns, sobbing freely as she watched the last bit of life leave her best friend. Dead Tododeku. Grief fic, Izuku dies. Angst.
1. Martyrs Are Remembered

The battleground is chaos, and she almost doesn't see it.

Doesn't see him.

Lying there.

On the ground.

Weak.

It's not a word she'd typically use to describe her best friend.

Cheerful.

Supportive.

Sensitive.

But never weak.

He was always so strong.

"Izuku!"

She runs to him, runs to his side as explosions and electricity rages around them, mirroring what she feels.

She drops to her knees next to him, not feeling the pain of the bits of glass and gravel digging into her knees through her suit. "I'm here, it'll be okay. Breathe."

He looks like he doesn't hear her, clutching weakly at a gaping wound under his ribs.

"Looks like you match All Might now, huh?" she jokes weakly, pulling his head into her lap.

His hand not holding his wound reaches up a bit.

"I can-" he whispers in wonder, "-I can see him!"

He reaches for something in the sky.

"Todo..." his hand stretches as far as it could go, "...ro..." he feels his hand fall more than sees it, too happy to care, "...ki..." his eyes close, and he breathes out one last time

She holds her breath, waiting a beat for him to keep talking.

Something.

Anything.

Anything at all.

She'd even take his little mutters about heroes she always griped to him over.

She'd even take his little freakouts.

She'd take anything, if it meant he wasn't gone too.

But he doesn't.

Doesn't move, or breathe, or do anything.

The horror and grief flashed through her all at once and she screams, she _yells_ , she _bellows_ her sorrow because if Izuku isn't there for her, if her one true ray of sunshine is gone in this abysmal dark world, then she might get swallowed in it too.

She collapses over his body, over that little smile that pulls at the corner of his mouth and his silly green costume that she knew his mom had made for him in the beginning.

Oh.

Oh, god.

Oh, _god_!

Inko!

How could she face her?

How could she tell the woman who was like a second mother to her that he was _gone_? How could she tell Inko that her son had died on the battlefield, calling his dead husband's name?

How could she break her mother's heart?

How could she tell her that Izuku is _dead_?! That the boy-turned-man who is like a _brother_ , is dead?!

Oh god her brother is _dead_!

She lets loose another bloodcurdling scream, and feels strong and calloused hands at her back, could feel the _warmth_ and _heat_.

She turns into Bakugou's chest, sobbing her heart out and screaming into his chest over and over.

"He's dead! My brother's dead! Oh, why?! Why wasn't it me? Oh, Izuku! Izuku, Izuku! I can't, I won't- Oh, god, why?! Why HIM, of all people?! Why the sweet, kind hero that only wanted to save people?! Why, why, why?!?!?!"

She beat into Bakugou's chest, and though he's already injured he just lets her get it out, rubbing at her knees to let her know that he was here.

He just stares in horror at his friend. He can hardly believe it.

He is barely holding it together, dissociating so he can be there for her.

He knows Kirishima would have his head later, and that his boyfriend would help once the others had left.

All he can do right now is let Uraraka beat his chest senseless until she runs out of energy, all the while looking at his hero, his best friend's empty smile and broken corpse.

He just let her cry.


	2. The Day Has Come

The funeral was numb.

Static.

Tense and unwelcoming.

The opposite of Izuku.

It was stifling.

She was asked beforehand to say something, some kind of eulogy, but it felt too much like a goodbye. She wasn't ready for that.

Not yet.

For her, the funeral was absolutely awful.

For Inko, it was so much worse.

She had to bury her only child.

As if to mock them and their sadness, the day was positively sunny.

Not a cloud in sight.

She didn't look when they lowered him into the ground. She watched instead two small children walking together, ice cream in hand.

Oh, she just wanted it to be over.

Wanted to be able to go home.

To crawl under the covers of her bed.

To stay in and stare at nothing until Bakugou forced some food on her or dragged her out to get drunk.

To just allow herself to grieve in a place she didn't feel she was _obligated_ to.

Funerals be damned.

She gripped Inko's sleeve, pulling her adoptive mother towards her in a tight hug. Inko returned it, and the two women watched in silence as others threw in handfuls of dirt.

Finally, it was her turn, and Bakugo gently- _he's never gentle_ \- gently guided her over, a hand at the small of her back and the other on her arm.

It was supposed to be comforting, but she just felt trapped.

When didn't she, anymore?

Trapped by Bakugou, trapped by her head, trapped by voices she hears echoing over and over again in her head.

She shakily grabs a handful of dirt, watching it fall down, down, down into the hole that was her best friend's- _her brother's_ \- final resting place. The moment it was gone from her hands, she turned back to Bakugou, burying her face in his stuffy, expensive suit that _he shouldn't be wearing!_

No tears fell, she didn't think she had any left to cry.

Bakugou rubbed her back anyway.

He guided her back to Inko, and the three of them sat in silence.

Bakugou's mother came, eventually, to bring Inko back to their apartment complex.

Uraraka still couldn't move.

She was frozen, floating, her only anchor Bakugou's firm strokes up and down her back, as if telling her, _'Its okay to cry.'_

And she did.

She cried, and _cried_ , and **_cried_**.

She cried into Bakugou's arms, finally, truly grieving for her brother.

She didn't register the other presence at her back, or that Bakugou had taken her away from Izuku's grave- _his grave, what an odd thought_ \- and into a comfortable car.

She didn't register his hand being replaced by another's, smoother and softer but the same comforting _up-down-up-down_.

She came back to reality abruptly as the car stopped, and she saw the shock of red hair with black roots that could only mean Kirishima. She realized they were almost cuddling in the backseat while Bakugou had drove, and that he was stroking her back.

Kirishima pulled away gently, getting out, and she saw they were back at her place- _their place_ \- The place she had shared with her best friend after Todoroki's death not two years earlier.

That thought brought on a fresh wave of grief, and she grabbed Kirishima's sweatshirt sleeve before he could leave fully.

"Please," she whispered, and he sat back down to hear her better, "please let me stay with you guys for the night. Please, please, I don't think I can bear going in there. Please!"

Kirishima and Bakugou exchanged a look over her head, and then the door closed and the three of them silently drove away.


	3. Legends Can't Die

Uraraka felt numb. She'd been walking around in a daze for the last few weeks, catching small time criminals, completing the same loop over and over as she numbed herself with the cold embrace of work.

It's all she knew how to do.

Every Thursday, Bakugou took her to get drunk so she could cry.

Tuesdays Kirishima watched hero movie reruns until she fell asleep.

Wednesdays she went to Inko's house, where they sat, swapped stories, and grieved.

It felt like she'd never get out of the numbing rain.

She visited Izuku on Saturdays, and told him of her exploits, how she was looking for the villain that killed him, Beam.

How many criminals she'd locked up, how numb she felt without her best friend.

One Saturday, she jokingly tells him she used to have a crush on him, before she had fallen for Tenya. She tells him how the other 1A girls would tease her about her crushes, how she couldn't choose, until the day he and Shouto had walked into class holding hands. She smiled, and remembered congratulating them before turning to Iida and immediately asking him out. She recounts to him her first date, tells him how from that day forth Izuku became a brother, not a love interest, and how much she missed him.

That Sunday, she visits Tenya's grave like she does every other Sunday, and tells him that she misses him, and loves him.

That same day, like every other second Sunday of the month, she visits Shouto's grave, tells him how happy she is that he and Izuku are finally together again.

Then she repeats the cycle.

Mondays she hunts for Beam, Tuesdays she watches movies, Wednesdays she visits Inko, Thursdays she gets drunk, Fridays she hunts again, Saturdays she visits Izuku, every other Sunday she visits Tenya, and repeat.

She gets used to her routine, gets comfortable in it, and begins to get content.

She starts visiting the orphanage again on Fridays, baking cookies likes she used to.

After four months she moves back into her apartment, and it's not nearly as painful as she thought it would be. She finds traces of Izuku everywhere, but there's no longer the crushing weight that _he'll never be able to do any of this with her again_ , because she likes to think that Izuku's waiting, living with his husband and hers, and when it's her time she can live with them where they are, and that gives her comfort.

After two years her routine changes.

She brings down the notorious villain Overhaul, and with it the twelve year old girl Eri who had been used by him.

She adopts the girl after her trial, takes her under her wing, and Tuesdays turn from movies with Enjirou to movie nights with Eri, and her visits to her family's graves are no longer alone. Thursdays, she doesn't get drunk anymore, she hosts dinner parties with Inko, Katsuki, Enjirou, and Eri, as well as Tsuyu, who had begun her own grief that one of her sidekicks died in battle with her. They swap stories, and the hole Izuku left doesn't disappear, but it gets more manageable, as she imagines Izuku, Tenya, and Shouto with them, a big happy family.

The girl seems so sweet, and it breaks Ochako's heart that Izuku won't meet her for many years.

It's another year until she finds Beam, and it rips the hole anew, and it's as if Izuku was newly dead again.

She finds the villain in a crappy, gross bar, one he frequents often, and he's bragging to another villain, 'Twice', about the heroes he'd killed.

She catches Izuku's hero name, and is about to move in when another name catches her attention. "Ingenium, he was a fun kill. His bitch cried over the corpse when he was found. I hadn't even needed my Quirk for that one, that was fun."

Then she sees red, for this man has not only killed many of his comrades, but also her adoptive brother, and her _husband!_ She immediately tackles the man, snapping a Quirk blocking collar onto him, and punches him in the face a few times to knock him out. She then flashes her hero badge, and glares down anyone who looks at her until they clear a path to the door, and she drags the man out by the collar of his ratty flannel shirt.

She calls up Kirishima, voice breaking, and gives her coordinates, and when he asks for details, she just says "I found him." and hangs up.

Ten minutes later, in the pouring rain, the sound of sirens surround her, and a familiar black spiky head approaches. She wordlessly offers the villain to Enjirou, and he takes Beam, dragging him over to a squad car as Eri pushes her way through the crowd and hugs her, and she hugs back, finally crying into the smaller girl's embrace, and she's led away to a car, brought into the backseat as she was three years ago, and she cries as she's taken back to her apartment. She goes in, numb again, and opens Izuku's room for the first time in months besides the occasional cleaning.

She collapses onto his bed, cries into his pillow, and grieves again.

The next day, she changes her routine again. It's Saturday, and she makes a picnic lunch before waking up Eri and getting her breakfast, and then the two of them go to Inko's house, inviting her to go to Izuku's grave with them, and the three women visit his grave, where Ochako proudly proclaims that she's captured the villain Beam, the man who killed Izuku, and Inko gasps at the news, tears dripping down her face as she buries her face into Ochako's arms.

A strong wind picks up, and the nearby sakura trees spill their petals, and over Inko's shoulder Ochako swears she sees Izuku in the petals, waving at her with his usual bright smile, and she cries as well.


End file.
